


double mayo double lettece

by Cockbite (personalized_radio)



Series: NSFW/PWP [3]
Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, McChicken Fuckin', im sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 09:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12362742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/personalized_radio/pseuds/Cockbite
Summary: the boys play soggy mcchicken and then aleks plays james





	double mayo double lettece

**Author's Note:**

  * For [You Know Who You Are](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=You+Know+Who+You+Are).



> yeah guys sorry it was Asked Of Me and i couldnt say no

James...James honestly couldn't explain how it happened. One minute, they were all giggling together and watching that stupid video on Trevor’s screen - the next, Joe and Trevor were passing out fucking McChickens to the whole room and people were placing bets.

“I dunno about this,” Trevor mumbled, his neck flushing, “I don't wanna jack off while you look at my dick,”

“No one is looking at each other's dick,” Aron wrinkled his face, “Eyes closed, right, guys?”

“Fuckin’ duh,” Aleks grumbled, “This is so  _ stupid _ ,”

“What?” James couldn't help but tease, “Afraid you're gonna lose?”

“Why do we gotta  _ eat it _ ,” Aleks said instead of answering, a disgusted look on his face, “That's so  _ gross, _ ” 

“ _ We _ don't gotta do shit,” James reminded him, “The last guy to...go does.” 

“Still,” Aleks crinkled his face up, pursing his lips, “Ew, dude,”

“Just don't be last and you won't have to worry about it,” James smirked, “That erectile dysfunction finally coming in handy, huh?”

“I don't have a problem getting hard!” Aleks shout, his voice rising and cracking like he was still hitting puberty and not in his mid-goddamn-twenties. 

“TMI, dude,” Aron glared at Aleks and James watched Joe toss a McChicken at Aleks’ head. It bounced off, nearly smacked onto the ground before Aleks fumbled and caught it. 

“Hey!” Aleks whined, but Joe was already passing the rest out and ignoring him.

“What's the matter,” James unwrapped his own McChicken, pulled it apart and soundly plopped the paddy on the table they’d brought in from the living room. James didn't  _ want _ to do this, but he wasn't one to pass up a chance to egg on Aleks. “Scared you won't be able to do it?”

“Oh, I'm gonna do it,” Aleks pulled a face at him, “You fuckin’ - just fuckin’ - you fuckin’  _ watch _ ,”

“I thought we said  _ no watching _ ,” Aron wailed, making James crack up. He almost dropped his buns in his mirth, the lettuce falling all over the carpet, but managed to keep them in place. 

“Jesus,” Joe giggled, “James, fuckin’ - watch it, man, we’re gonna have to clean this all up,”

“Sorry,” James said, even though he wasn’t, still watching Aleks’ crestfallen face.

“Okay, here are the rules,” Trevor sighed, sounding much too old for all of this, even if he was the one to introduce the concept. “Last one to - go has to eat the paddy.”

“That’s disgusting,” Aleks wrinkled the bridge of his nose, “Fuck, man, that’s so fuckin’ - that’s so fuckin’ gross,”

“Not if you aren’t the one that has to eat it,” James pointed out, to which Aleks glared at him.

“Keep your eyes closed, it’s not fair if you’re creeping everyone else out by staring at their dick,” Aron pointed at everyone, “And no - noises,”

“ _ Noises _ ,” James couldn’t help but wrinkle up his own nose, “Ew, fuck, I don’t want to listen to any of you jerk off,”

“This was  _ your idea _ !” Trevor tossed his chicken paddy toward the garbage.

“No, it wasn’t!” James argued, flexing the buns in his hands, “It was your idea!”

“Either way,” Joe cut in, shaking his head, “No looking, no  _ sounds _ , last person to go eats the paddy,”

“What do the winners get?” Aleks crossed his arms, still holding his wrapped McChicken in hand, “Why the fuck are we doin’ this?”

“The views,” James said, just to watch Aleks’ face flush, “No, seriously, the winners get...loser buys lunch for the office for a week,”

“Man, I can’t afford that,” Trevor complained, but everyone else was nodding.

“Just don’t lose and you’ll be fine,” James shot him the bird, though it was hard with a handful of bun, and then they all gathered around the table and stood awkwardly for a few seconds.

“Well, I guess I’ll take the plunge, but don’t go complainin’ when I win,” James warned, setting his bun in one hand so he could unbutton and then unzip his jeans with the other. That got everyone else hustling and the room was filled with the sounds of zippers and buttons and frustrated grunts as everyone tried to free their dicks while balancing buns in their hands. It was extra mayo, extra lettuce, and that posed a bit of a problem as the mayo dripped off the bun and onto his hand but, at last, he pulled himself out of the slit in his boxers and, not knowing what else to do or think that would make this any less weird, promptly held the buns like normal and shoved his dick between them.

“Ewwww, dude,” He couldn’t help but say, his face screwing up. The bun was crusty around the edges, flakes coming off on his hands. The mayo was warm at this point, clumpy and thick, the lettuce slippery and thin, all of it coming together to create a mix-and-match of gross. This wasn’t at  _ all _ what he wanted.

“Shut  _ up _ , James,” Trevor snapped, “Don’t break the rules  _ already _ , man,”

“It’s just gross, dude!” James protested, but he looked up at the ceiling and, regretfully, started to move the bun. 

It sent a shudder of revulsion through him, the feeling just - not nice. Okay, maybe this was gonna be harder than he thought it would be. 

He closed his eyes, breathed through his nose, tried to get himself going. He wasn’t even hard, maybe that was the problem - the guy in the video had been a fuckin’ pillar of man meat. He just needed to - get turned on. Something. 

Unbidden, the thought that he was fucking jerking off across a table from Aleks came to mind. His dick twitched. 

_ Jesus _ , okay, now was not the time for that.

But, fuck, if he listened, he could make out everyone’s breathing. He was intimately familiar with Joe’s to his left. They’d spent enough time at each other’s houses as kids and teens to recognize the  _ I’m jerking off, ignore me _ sound; the silence to his right was Aron - James wouldn’t have pinned him for the silent type, but he wasn’t gonna complain. Trevor, to the left of Joe, was a little louder but was keeping it together remarkably well. 

That meant that the stuttering little breathes coming from across from him were  _ Aleks _ , and James tried not to but he couldn’t help but zero in on that, forget the white noise of the others and just listen to  _ that _ .

He didn’t have trouble getting hard with that in his ears, even with the chunky mayo. 

He’d just started getting as into it as he could possibly get when Trevor made a noise - a muffled, bitten off groan - and then sighed loudly in relief.

“Fuck, shit, thank  _ Christ _ ,”

“Al _ ready _ !?” Aleks said loudly, voice cracking, and James nearly looked down but he  _ did not want to see Trevor’s dick _ . 

“Perks of not being an old fuck like the rest of you,” Trevor said, and James’ hand had stopped so he started up again. Fuck, okay, he was starting to sweat a little. That only left the four of them.

“Fuckin’ bye, losers,” James heard the rustle of napkins, a zipper being done up.

“You’re leaving?” Joe said, confused and a little breathless - and Jesus, James was gonna have to talk about this, Joe had been more excited than any of them about this and James had no clue his best friend was as into food sex as he apparently was. 

“I trust you guys to make the loser eat the paddy and film it.” Trevor said sagely, and then slammed the door on his way out.

“Fuckin’  _ teenagers _ ,” Aron grumbled, not sounding pleased at all, and James had to laugh.

Okay, fair. Trevor was like - nineteen. Of course he got off at the drop of a hat. James didn’t have to be worried. 

He was just getting back into it, the mayo finally breaking up enough to act as a proper lube, Aleks’ stitched up breathing starting to stutter enough that it was putting _thoughts_ dirty enough in James’ head to actually get him going, when Aron made a triumphant hissing noise that James thought _maybe_ was ‘yes’ in the grossest, most sexual way James had never wanted to hear Aron say anything and what the _fuck_ , how were they actually getting off to this? James could barely keep a chub and Aleks was _right there_!  
“You are _cheating_ ,” He grunted, not stopping his hand. He was starting to sweat a little more; okay, fuck, shit, what if he actually had to _eat it_?

It made his stomach flip. He’d do it but  _ fuck _ ,  _ gross _ . He was going to fucking throw it up immediately.

“Desperate times call for desperate fantasies and dissociation, asshole,” Aron chirped, sounding much happier now that he wasn’t in danger of eating the soggy chicken, “Get fucking fucked, whoever loses. Snap me the ending,”

“Fuck you,” James glared, “Get the fuck out of here, your face is putting me off,”

“You aren’t supposed to be  _ looking _ ,” Aron shouted, and then the door shut behind him, too, leaving just the three of them.

James felt some of the tension leak out. It was just Joe and Aleks, at this point and, fuck, he’d jerked off with Joe in the room before and he was currently using Aleks as a jerk off fantasy. Desperate times, Aron had said.

He leaned his head back, mouth dropping open a little. He was hard at this point, no thanks to the fucking bun, he would call and complain about the staleness if he hadn’t only noticed because he was trying to fuck it like it was a supple youth or some shit. 

He could hear Joe’s breath hitching to his left, hear the way Aleks’ was speeding up, the skin-on-mayo  _ fwap-fwap-fwap  _ of masturbating dicks.

_ Desperate times _ , he furrowed his brow, his back and thighs tensing as he sped his hands up. Slowly, he tilted his head down, hoping to catch a glimpse of Aleks,  _ something _ that would give him an edge, because this wasn’t cutting it. He couldn’t get off to fucking his fist and listening to Aleks getting off with  _ Joe _ in his ear, especially not when a bun was in the way.

His knees almost buckled at the shot of pure lust that started in the pit of his gut and stabbed upward to the back of his throat when he met Aleks’ eyes instead.

Aleks smirked at him, slow and lazy, and James realized that  _ fucker _ had been watching him.

_ Cheater _ , he mouthed, and then had to grip the back of a chair to stay standing up right when Aleks licked his lips. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t  _ fair _ .

While the both of them were distracted, Joe made a pained noise and James actually saw him fucking orgasm onto the paddy he’d tossed onto the table. 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” He couldn’t help but curse, “Joe, you  _ bastard _ ,” 

“Not my fault you two are eye fucking instead of bun fucking,” Joe reached for a napkin, cleaned himself off and tucked himself in his pants. James had to stop moving his hand, couldn’t jack off while he was seething. 

“Don’t forget to take the snap, I’m headin’ home. Don’t try to pussy out, either. One of you’s gotta eat that soggy chicken, bro.” Joe waved, smug, and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

“You  _ fucker _ ,” James glared, slowly starting to move his fist. Aleks hadn’t stopped fucking his own pun, hadn’t stopped  _ looking _ at James, and it was doing  _ things _ to his insides.

“ _ Smart _ fucker,” Aleks smirked, humming low in his throat, “You make weird faces, dude,”

“Shut the fuck up,” James bit his lip for a second, eyes fluttering closed as he seemed to finally find the right - angle, or whatever, to actually start to work himself up again, “ _ Fuck _ ,”

“You look good,” Aleks said, and it made James’ hand stutter.

“You’re breaking the  _ rules _ , Aleks _ andr _ ,” James groaned, swallowing hard, his toes curling in his shoes. He tried to move his hand more, but at this point the panic had taken over. He was going to fucking have to  _ eat that paddy _ and there was no way he was going to get off before he had to do it.

“Hey, James,” Aleks sighed, sounding  _ close _ , “Let’s make a deal,” 

“A _ nother _ deal?” James scrunched up his face, but he fuckin’ -  _ shit _ , it was like he was chasing that orgasm and it was just out of his grasp every time he reached for it.

“How ‘bout,” Aleks stopped stroking and, after a moment, James did too, the both of them panting, “You get on your knees and let me finish on you instead of the paddy, and I won’t make you eat it.”

“What makes you think -” James started to protest, and then he noticed that Aleks was squeezing the base of his dick tight, sweat peppering his face, and  _ fuck _ , he was literally on the edge of coming.

James looked at the come-covered paddy, and then Aleks’ dick.

With a curse, he dropped to his knees, glaring up at Aleks.

“I fuckin’ hate you, man,”

“Mhm,” Aleks agreed, shoving the table away with his foot and dropping his crushed bun on the ground as he walked the short distance to James. 

The first thing he did was pull James’ beanie off and toss it to the side.

“Hey!” James snapped, and then went quiet when Aleks wiped his hand off on his pants and gathered all of James’ hair up in a fist.

“Shut up,” Aleks tapped the tip of his nose with the head of his dick like some sort of fucking perverted peck, “My dick is covered in  _ mayo _ , James, and it’s  _ your fault _ ,”

“Well, actually,” James started, and then was soundly silenced with Aleks’ dick. 

He shoved it in, not very deep, but enough to get his point across, and James - still glaring - let him do it.

“Stick your tongue out,” Aleks said thoughtfully and, with a loud, dramatic sigh, James did. Aleks used his grip on his hair to force his head to move along his dick, dragging his tongue from the tip to the base and then back, and James caught on fast enough to take over. He didn’t really  _ like _ mayo, per say, but he didn’t  _ hate it _ , either. He cleaned Aleks’ dick off fast, broad licks that had Aleks’ breath stuttering, his hand loosening and tightening in James’ hair just enough that James noticed.

When he was clean, James looked up at him impatiently, raising an eyebrow at his flushed face.

“I thought Aron made it pretty clear that we were going to avoid the gay shit,”

“Do you ever just - just shut up,” Aleks groaned, “Jesus Christ, I didn’t think I’d have to keep your mouth full this whole time,”

James opened his mouth to protest again, but then Aleks’ free hand was on his jaw and he was slowly being fed Aleks’ dick, the length of it sliding past his lips, along his tongue, deeper into his mouth, past his teeth.

Aleks tilted his head back a little so he was at a better angle, and then he had to close his eyes because Aleks’ eyes were a little bit awed, a little bit approving, a little bit fond, and the upstairs editing room, surrounded by other people’s come and deconstructed McChickens, was  _ not _ where James wanted any  _ feelings bullshit _ to be discussed.

Aleks stopped before James choked, and James was...strangely annoyed at that, but he didn’t try to fuckin’ - swallow Aleks down or anything. This wasn’t the first time he’d ended up on his knees for Aleks, but he wasn’t a deep throating pro, either - and his job kind of relied on him not fucking up his voice. 

“I guess your mouth is good for something, after all,” Aleks said tightly and James’ eyes snapped open so he could glare at him again.

Aleks grinned, bright and crinkly eyed, and James had to touch himself. 

He wrapped his hand around his dick, sticky still with mayo and lettuce, but mostly just kind of - held himself, fist firm around his own dick while Aleks used his hair to slowly pull him off  _ his _ dick. 

When only the tip remained against James’ lips, Aleks sighed and wrapped a hand around his shaft, slowly pumping. 

James could taste salt and he held his mouth open without even thinking about it, looking up at Aleks through heavy-lidded eyes, panting heavy. His face was hot, his whole  _ body _ was hot. Maybe it was the spicy McChicken.

“Fucking  _ Christ _ ,” Aleks said, voice high and a little cracky, his hand speeding up, “Fuck, your  _ face _ , you can’t look at anyone like that, you  _ fucker _ ,”

“Like what?” James mumbled, the hair of his beard prickling against Aleks’ dick as he spoke, and then Aleks exploded all over his  _ goddamn face _ .

“ _ Aleksandr _ !” He shouted, sputtering, eyes closing tightly because Aleks’ was holding his head in place, still striping his dick like it was gonna win him a goddamn medal, and he didn’t stop until he was completely finished, squeezing the final pearls out onto the lips of James’ open, angry mouth.

“Ah,” Aleks tapped his forehead, “I wanna be  _ clean _ , James.”

“You  _ cunt _ ,” James seethed, but he closed his mouth around Aleks’ dickhead and licked it with his tongue, hallowing his cheeks and sucking so hard that Aleks jolted, ripped him off by his hair hard enough that it sent a jolt of lust to James’ dick. 

“You’re such a sore loser,” Aleks snickered at him, but he helped James stand on his shaky legs, wrapped a hand around the one James’ had on his dick, and started to jerk him off.

James, eyes still closed tight, barely lasted a few strokes with Aleks’ come on his face, and Aleks’ hand on his, helping him get off, Aleks’ body heat so close to his own that he could feel it through their clothes, Aleks’ hand still tight in his hair, holding it up and pulling just enough that it was turning him on.   
He came into Aleks’ hand, the palm having been rubbing the sensitive nerves at the tip of his cock when he’d come, and went boneless, just barely staying upright.

“Hm,” Aleks hummed, tapped at his lips and, giving in, James stuck his tongue out and cleaned his own come off Aleks’ hand. He’d rather eat his own then fuckin’ - Trevor or Aron or Joe’s. 

He thought he was done, lifted his shirt up to wipe his face off, but Aleks made an  _ ah-ha-ah _ sound and, sighing louder, James stuck his tongue out again and let Aleks slowly wipe his come off James’ face with a finger and then drag it across James’ tongue until he could slowly open his eyes again and his face was, at least artificially, clean. 

“You’re disgusting,” James said darkly, but Aleks just smirked and stepped back, tucking himself away and zipping up.

“It was your idea,” Aleks pointed out.

“You  _ cheated _ ,” James pointed at him accusingly, and Aleks shrugged, bending over to pick the paddy off the ground with two finger tips and toss it in the garbage can.

“Yeah, well,” Aleks shrugged, “I don’t like shit on my face, dude, and you would have done the same thing.”

“Just you fuckin’ _wait_ ,” James said darkly, kicking angrily at the crushed bun under his shoe. They’d got rid of the evidence, Anna and Asher could clean up when they came in tomorrow, “Now fucking take me home.”  
“What? The McChicken Challenge not all you wanted it to be?” 

James pointed threateningly at him but didn’t say anything else. He was gonna fuckin’  _ wreck him _ when they got home.


End file.
